omg tabulas is back, mabuhay 

We are ok, and i need to learn how to chill

Realization this week:

I dont want to lose him. Im scared of losing him.

But when I ask myself why, its more on: ang daunting maghanap ng bago, ng someone na I know *likes* me, someone na alam kong good person. As in yung thought pa lang ang need na maghanap ng bago, napapagod na ko.

Last Monday I told him to forget about my original timeline (kids in 5years); I cant see myself having a child anymore, not in this economy, not in this presidency. Besides, I like my independence; I like spending money on myself and (already existing) loved ones, and the more na tumatambay ako sa Smart Parenting Village group, the more I'm convinced not to have one. Grabeng laking responsibility siya, grabeng laking gastos, at dapat ready ka physically mentally emotionally, lahat ng ly. So ayun, nung sinabi ko sakanya feeling ko nakipagbreak ako. Kahit wala pa naman siyang sagot. Kasi alam ko before, gusto niya. Iyaq iyaq si atesizt kasi ang bigat, ayoko pala siya mawala.  One day din sya hindi nakapagreply, needed to think about it daw. Jusq ang bigat lang talaga ng pakkramdam the whole time. Total heartbreak kahit wala pa naman response. Pero ang sabi niya: how he sees me doesnt change a bit. Whee. So pasayon ta!

Ang laking relief!

Fast forward 4 days later at hindi niya inoopen messages ko, walang seen, walang kahit anong react. But I can see he's active, at nagvview naman siya ng IG stories ko. So nappraning ako. Kahit busy sya before, ioopen naman niya yung measage at magrreact. But now krookroo talaga. Eh sobrang ok naman kami prior. I dont want to lose him kaya nakakapraning. Maybe he met someone else tas kasama nya so ayaw nya magbukas ng message? hahahahuhu. Mga kapraningan ko huhu highschool yan teh?

(LDR nga pala ito. Actually wala naman kahit anong commitment talaga, more online kalandian lang. pero ayan attached si atesizt)  

Miss ko na sya haizt

how to deal with our collective grief

2 bookings today... as i was losing hope for february. Haaay everything iz well, i have to trust <3