Naaanxious na ulit ako, hindi na ulit sya nagrreply, bakit ko nga sya kinausap ulit ? 

haynako self

Posted by chronicwind2 on July 7, 2023 at 09:36 AM | Add a Comment

Ended things a week and a half ago with a four-year LDR kalandian. He visited me last february after not seeing each other since July 2019 (napandemic ahaha). When he left after our two-week trip around the PH, I felt hindi na siya as responsive as before although sinasabi niya nothing has changed naman. Before he left, we've decided we're exclusive and dito ko nalaman na grabe anxiously attached pala ako? Apparently this only manifests in a committed, romantic relationship. Ahahahah jusq hirap. I was always waiting for his replies etc, super nakakaanxious, and it would take days for him to reply or even open my messages keso busy daw sya; I felt so ignored. At ito naman ako basta nagmessage sya, nahahappy ako, although im getting breadcrumbs. I can feel the anxiety in my gut. At one point iniisip ko pa nga sana magcheat nalang siya para clear deicision to end things na. Ang lala diba. Need to to really work on my anxieties kasi mangyayari at mangyayari ito sa kung sino man ang maging karelasyon ko. Anyway, umabot sa point na hindi niya man lang inopen yung messages ko for more than a week and yun na, ayoko na. Haha. Tbh i felt so free?? Like possible pala to live without anxiety? :)) I thought I was going to be heartbroken for more than a week (4 years din naman kasi kami magkausap ni koya), but after a day I felt super OK. Ang ginhawa ng pakiramdam. Hahaha di ko inexpect na ganun kabilis :)) Although di pa ko ready maghanap ng bago I guess. Enjoy ko muna itong pagiging single ko.

In happier news, I secured tickets for Eras Tour in Aus. OMGGG KENAT WAIIIIIT. mga 8 hours din ako naghintay makapasok from the lounge during the frontier presale. Ahuhuhuhu buti nagbunga #blessdt. SOOO excited for February! Ang mahal nga lang ng accoms wahahahah need na maghanap ng lalaki doon para may matitirhan :))

It is my birthmonth so panibagong set of growing-old anxieties nanaman :)) But hey I'm alive I'm well I'm healthy, I'll be okay. <3 

Posted by chronicwind2 on July 3, 2023 at 01:34 PM | Add a Comment

omg tabulas is back, mabuhay 

Posted by chronicwind2 on April 25, 2023 at 08:42 PM | Add a Comment

We are ok, and i need to learn how to chill

Posted by chronicwind2 on August 9, 2022 at 11:00 AM | Add a Comment

Realization this week:

I dont want to lose him. Im scared of losing him.

But when I ask myself why, its more on: ang daunting maghanap ng bago, ng someone na I know *likes* me, someone na alam kong good person. As in yung thought pa lang ang need na maghanap ng bago, napapagod na ko.

Last Monday I told him to forget about my original timeline (kids in 5years); I cant see myself having a child anymore, not in this economy, not in this presidency. Besides, I like my independence; I like spending money on myself and (already existing) loved ones, and the more na tumatambay ako sa Smart Parenting Village group, the more I'm convinced not to have one. Grabeng laking responsibility siya, grabeng laking gastos, at dapat ready ka physically mentally emotionally, lahat ng ly. So ayun, nung sinabi ko sakanya feeling ko nakipagbreak ako. Kahit wala pa naman siyang sagot. Kasi alam ko before, gusto niya. Iyaq iyaq si atesizt kasi ang bigat, ayoko pala siya mawala.  One day din sya hindi nakapagreply, needed to think about it daw. Jusq ang bigat lang talaga ng pakkramdam the whole time. Total heartbreak kahit wala pa naman response. Pero ang sabi niya: how he sees me doesnt change a bit. Whee. So pasayon ta!

Ang laking relief!

Fast forward 4 days later at hindi niya inoopen messages ko, walang seen, walang kahit anong react. But I can see he's active, at nagvview naman siya ng IG stories ko. So nappraning ako. Kahit busy sya before, ioopen naman niya yung measage at magrreact. But now krookroo talaga. Eh sobrang ok naman kami prior. I dont want to lose him kaya nakakapraning. Maybe he met someone else tas kasama nya so ayaw nya magbukas ng message? hahahahuhu. Mga kapraningan ko huhu highschool yan teh?

(LDR nga pala ito. Actually wala naman kahit anong commitment talaga, more online kalandian lang. pero ayan attached si atesizt)  

Miss ko na sya haizt

Posted by chronicwind2 on August 7, 2022 at 06:41 PM | Add a Comment
« · »